Reigniting Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage (Part 3 of 5)
Reignite Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage
Welcome to Part 3 of the 5-part series entitled “Reigniting Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage: From Resignation to Possibility” by Relationship Fitness Coach, Denver J. Hudson
Welcome Back! Last time, we took a look at some specific ways to identify if you and your spouse are living in a mood of resignation. I trust you had the opportunity to review the list together and begin to notice how these feelings, thoughts, and behaviors show up in your marriage. How did it go? Did you notice the mood of resignation beginning to shift just by intentionally setting out to observe the indicators? Did you experience a shift in your mood, and perhaps the reawakening of some passion and intimacy for each other when you shared your experiences together?
Passion and Intimacy can not exist in the density of a mood of resignation. And in the mood of resignation, the future that you and your partner are living into is predictably unpleasant, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Eventually, if the mood of resignation continues to be the “atmosphere” of your relationship, it will die. NOT what we want to happen!
So, how do we transform the mood of resignation into a mood of ambition, where new possibilities can be seen and realized, where the passion and intimacy you once shared so joyfully are reignited and stronger than ever, and where a bright and fulfilling future for your marriage can be created?
First, let go of the belief that things can’t change. This may take a little faith at this point, as you may be thinking that you’ve “tried everything, and nothing seems to have worked.” But for now, just set that belief aside. You know you can always come back to it later if you like. But for now, let it rest. Declare the past complete. What was is behind us. What is yet to be is up to us!
Second, step fully into the realization that you and your partner can intentionally CREATE how you relate to each other and the future that you will share together. If you recall, when in the mood of resignation, you often feel powerless and like a victim. You’re frustrated with how things are, believing they will never change – or only get worse. NOW, in this moment, each of you can CHOOSE to be intentional co-creators of a new marriage.
As a stand for each other and your future together, look at each other and declare, “Who I am for you is an active co-creator of our marriage and life together.” It’s important to say it to each other out loud. Yes, it will be uncomfortable – and, oh yes – it will sound weird, but that’s OK. It feels and sounds weird because…who does this kind of thing? Think about, most people are NOT intentionally creating their marriage (or their life for that matter). Most people do not speak powerfully about their marriage and their future (which is one of the reasons they end up in resignation). So, yes, this will feel awkward, but allow that to be OK. Be willing to allow yourself to get uncomfortable for the sake of your future together.
Third, as Active Co-Creators of your marriage and future, challenge yourselves to intentionally reinvent – together – a small portion of your day. For example, you may choose to reinvent your morning routine together. And before you do that, I encourage you to become aware of and discuss your normal morning routine up to this point. How do you typically start the day together? How is that impacting your relationship? Are you each willing to let go of the comfort of this routine for a new possibility that will strengthen your marriage?
Let’s say that up to this point, your morning goes something like this: Husband rolls out of bed at 5:30 a.m.; wife stays in bed for another hour. Husband showers, eats breakfast (alone), and checks e-mail. Wife wakes up, stumbles to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and then heads up stairs to take a shower and wake the kids. Meanwhile, husband puts on jacket, and yells up the stairs, “I’m off to work.”… Ho, hum. A familiar routine perhaps. Notice, very little connection or meaningful communication happening here. And this is the routine five days a week! Impact on the marriage?
OK, as Active Co-Creators who are intentionally creating, you are now being challenged to reinvent your morning routine! Yes, I understand that you are COMFORTABLE with your typical morning routine. And sure, you get some benefit from it, or you wouldn’t be doing it. But if you could design your morning together in such a way that your relationship would be nourished and strengthened, and that would create the conditions for your passion and intimacy to be reignited, what would that look like? What would be happening? How would you be relating to each other?
(Yes, once again, this is weird. I mean, who does this? But again, you’re not reading this because you want to have a “normal” marriage. You’re here, reading this because you want to create a “Marriage of WOW!” where you and your partner are enjoying passion and intimacy. Right?)
Just a couple of things I recommend you include in your new morning routine: (1) lots of eye contact, and (2) meaningful touch. And I’m going to challenge both of you to not settle for some boring, new routine. Instead, create this new routine in such a way that each of you say “WOW!” when done. Make it so awesome, that each of you are looking forward to getting up each morning to spend your intentionally designed routine together! I’m challenging you…don’t wimp out on me!
Sound good? Great! And by the way, if you don’t want to reinvent your morning, work on your evening. What kind of evening routine would you like to create together? (Of course, you could work on both, but I recommend starting small in the beginning.)
And as you and your partner take these actions, begin to observe what is happening to the mood of resignation. Is it shifting into a mood of ambition, where you can see and feel new possibilities for your relationship? What do you notice happening to your passion and intimacy for each other – are they waking back up?
Have fun with this! And I look forward to continuing our journey together in Part 4!
How can I best support you and your partner in creating a Marriage of WOW!? If you would like some couples coaching around this topic, please contact me at (812) 299-0214 or by e-mail at denver@relationshipfitnessonline.com. First session is FREE!
« Reigniting Passion and Intimacy In Your Marriage (Part 2 of 5) | Home | The Four Degrees of Love »
Comments
Denver,
Great advice!!! Yes, it may sound weird to some, but I completely agree that we MUST intentionally create a Marriage of WOW! We cannot just fall asleep, and if we have fallen asleep, it is time to wake up! Wake up to the possibility of a dynamic future with your partner. It is much more invigorating and exciting than the predictable future…..Your partnership and your family is worth the effort!
Leave a Comment