Inviting Conflicts When Living a Passionate Marriage
If you are a commitment to living a passionate life and a passionate marriage congratulations! The shift from living a “normalized marriage” to a “passionate marriage” is one of the key objectives of The WOW! Movement. And here’s an important point when you set out to live that commitment: you’ll be inviting conflict into your life.
I mention this because one way some avoid conflict is to avoid living what they are truly passionate about. They surrender their passion and a compelling future for comfort and predictability. A BIG mistake that throws us back into “woe” and to settling for a normalized life that ultimately leaves our soul and our relationships in despair.
Uncomfortable feelings are what make conflicts undesirable. But what if you could handle those feelings? Then you could handle the uncomfortable feelings behind conflicts! Being able to process feelings effectively – to feel them fully and to let them go – is one of the necessary skills if you are going to live new possibilities for your life and your marriage. Living a Life of WOW! requires that we develop a healthy relationship (have “Relationship Fitness”) with our emotions.
When you step it up and really commit to creating a passionate, WOW-filled marriage, you will eventually run into some conflict, especially in the beginning. Here are a few things to consider when that happens:
1. Don’t take what is going on personally.
Taking the situation personally will prevent you from deeply hearing the other person – and yourself. Taking something personally makes the story in your head more important than your partner, the marriage, and what the two of you are creating together. Take responsibility for what you are feeling and for your own identity. Drop the story you are creating in your head and stay focused on the facts of the situation. And remember to stand in the shared commitment that each of you have made (or can create together): to be a commitment to creating a passionate marriage and a dynamic future that inspires and fulfills both of you. (Contact me if you need help with this! The WOW! Movement awaits you!)
2. Shift your focus within the conflict from winning and defending to understanding and creating. Here are some questions to help with that:
- What does your partner really want? What needs or concerns are they expressing in the moment? How could you help them fulfill those needs and concerns?
- What do you really want? What are your needs and concerns in this moment? What actions can you take to fulfill those needs?
- What is the most important thing in the situation – for them and for you? (e.g. being right, the relationship itself…)
- What do you want to live on past the conflict? What is the higher vision that each of you are committed to – for yourselves individually and for the relationship?
- What’s the lesson within the conflict? How can you use the conflict to better your life? What is the “Woe” that you can transform to a “WOW!”?
Remember, don’t give up living what you are passionate about just to avoid conflicts. Conflicts are a natural part of the creative process and are opportunities to learn more about yourself and your partner. Every Woe is an invitation to step more fully into your WOW! Conflicts can give birth to greater clarity, a deeper intimacy, and a renewed commitment to live what matters most.
Live passionately!
Denver
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