Reigniting Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage (Part 5 of 5)
Reignite Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage
Welcome to Part 5 of the 5-part series entitled “Reigniting Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage: From Resignation to Possibility” by Relationship Fitness Coach, Denver J. Hudson.
Welcome back to our final post in this series! I’m grateful to have you on this journey with me, as we stand together as a commitment to reigniting the passion and intimacy in YOUR marriage!
Last time, I invited you and your partner to spend some time together declaring that who you are for each other is a Passionate Lover, Intimate Best Friend, Conscious Committed Partner, and Active Co-Creator. And I invited you into a conversation around what it would actually look like in your daily life to be each of those for the other. How did it go? Did you notice, as you engaged in the conversation that you were experiencing a reigniting of your passion and intimacy for one another? Could you feel the emergence of a mood of ambition – of a realistic hope for a brighter future of exciting possibilities together as a result of this exercise? It’s a powerful exercise to do on a regular basis with increasing benefits over time. Don’t fall into the trap of doing it ONCE and thinking you’re done. Real passion and intimacy is CREATED, and it requires that each of you be intentional in how you show up for each other every day!
You may have noticed hope returning to your relationship as you have moved through this series. Hope is an integral emotional component of Ambition. Hope experienced in a mood of ambition is quite different than hope experienced in a mood of resignation. In the mood of ambition, hope positions us to look at our marriage and it’s future in an optimistic, proactive way. Now, instead of living into a predictable future of “more of the same,” your intentional choices are creating an invented future, a future you are intentionally envisioning and creating together through your conversations and focused action. In resignation, you sit back and just passively hope things will get better – as if something, someone or even God were going to come along and “fix” your marriage for you. (Not going to happen.) As I mentioned earlier in the series, that is leaving your marriage and future to chance – something that I’m sure you’re no longer willing to do!
After you and your partner have reignited the passion and intimacy in your marriage, what’s next? Keeping it alive! It’s not enough to just reignite it. We need to talk now about how to sustain it once you have reignited it, once you have transformed out of the mood of resignation and into the possibilities that emerge from living in a mood of ambition. Without addressing the issue of sustainability, you’ll be right back where you started. (By the way, this is where most people get sloppy and lazy! Beware!) It would be like lighting a candle in a windy room: it won’t stay lit unless you stop the breeze from blowing it out.
So first, be a commitment to the practices I introduced to you earlier in the series (e.g. Stating who you are for each other, what that looks like in everyday life, and committing to showing up that way… working together to intentionally reinvent parts of your day…) Use these practices as a starting point, and then invent your own! Be intentional and put time on the calendar for you and your partner to have conversations together about specific actions to take and how you will hold each other accountable to your shared vision.
Another key to sustaining your intimacy and passion is to take a realistic look at the various areas of your life and evaluate their health and impact on your marriage. For example, what is the health of your financial world? And how is that impacting your passion and intimacy? If you and your partner are constantly stressed and arguing about finances, passion and intimacy will not remain alive. Or how about your relationship with your in-laws and extended family? If that is an area of contention in your relationship, it can be draining your marriage of passion and intimacy. For example, it’s difficult to be passionate and intimate with your partner if s/he despises your mother whom you love dearly.
Here are some key areas to explore together. Each of these areas is contributing to a sense of resignation in your life or a sense of ambition and possibility. Our goal here is to assess the current health of each of these areas, and – where necessary – take intentional action to CREATE a new level of health in those particular areas.
Work, Career, or Vocation
How is your work life impacting your passion and intimacy and the health of your marriage? Does your work contribute to a mood of resignation or a mood of ambition? Are you and your partner in alignment around your work and your future career path? How can you make the relationship you have with your work healthier?
Family, In-Laws, Extended Family
How are the relationships you have with family members impacting your passion and intimacy for each other? Are your family members living in a mood of resignation or a mood of ambition and how is that impacting YOUR mood and the mood of your marriage? How can you relate to your family, in-laws, and extended family in healthier ways?
Friends and Social Groups
How are your relationships with your friends and social groups impacting the health of your marriage? Are your friends and social groups living more in a mood of resignation or a mood of ambition? What friendships do you need to let go of? Who could you be friends with that would enhance your marriage and personal life? How could you improve the health of your current friendships?
Finances, Money, Wealth
How is your financial situation impacting the passion and intimacy of your marriage? Are you and your partner making financial decisions together or separately; how is this impacting the marriage? Is your financial life characterized more by a mood of resignation (“this is the way it will always be…or worse”) or a mood of ambition (“we can create new possibilities in our financial life!”)? What specific actions can you take TODAY that will make your financial life healthier?
Religion, Spirituality
How is your spiritual life impacting your passion and intimacy for each other? How is/would standing together as a commitment to a higher purpose enhance the intimacy in your marriage? What conversations do you need to have with your partner about the importance of your spiritual walk as an individual and as a married couple? What specific actions could you take today to enrich the health of your spiritual life?
Fun, Recreation, Hobbies
How does having fun together affect your passion and intimacy for each other? How does your level of passion and intimacy affect your ability to have fun together? How often do you laugh and have fun together? How supportive are you toward your partner having hobbies and recreational activities that don’t involve you? What specific things can you do together to bring more laughter, play, and fun into your lives?
As you quickly discover, each of these areas impact and are impacted by the state of your “Relationship Fitness.” I invite you to look at each of these areas together and make a commitment to intentionally create health and well-being in each area as a way to foster a more passionate and intimate marriage!
Again, I would like to thank you for joining me on the journey through this 5-part series. If you and your spouse would like to explore working with me as your Relationship Fitness Coach, I would be honored to speak with you and to explore the possibilities! The first call is FREE and there is no obligation to go further. I stand as a commitment to the health and well-being of individuals and committed couples who are ready to transform their health, life, and relationship from woe to WOW!
- Denver
How can I best support you and your partner in creating a “Marriage of WOW!”? If you would like to explore Couples Coaching around this topic, please contact me at (812) 236-5780 or by e-mail at denver@relationshipfitnessonline.com.
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