Single Again: What type of relationship do you want?
For those of you who are in midlife and are seeking to remarry, I invite you to consider the type of relationship (and life) that you would like to experience with your new life partner. Once you know the three types, you can then CHOOSE which type you would like to live, AND you can explore which type of relationship your potential life partner is most interested in.
Before we take a look at the three types, please keep in mind that it’s possible to experience all three of these types within the same relationship, but in my experience and observation of others, most people will ultimately end up with one of these types being the main focus of their relationship.
Type 1: “We are a commitment to surviving.”
In this type of relationship, the main focus is to survive the struggles and challenges of life together. For example, you might get married in order to survive financially. To survive a deep sense of loneliness. To survive your past and future together. To survive your own sense of lack as a person. Of course, we have to survive, but in this type of relationship surviving the struggles of life together is the main underlying focus. Ultimately, if this relationship becomes dysfunctional, you end up trying to survive each other and the unhealthy relationship you find yourself in.
Type 2: “We are a commitment to comfort and ease.”
In this type of relationship, the main focus is to live a life of comfort and ease together. In this type of relationship, when you have achieved a certain level of comfort and ease, you have a sense of having made it. This approach is one of the reasons that people find themselves financially strapped, as they invest in the comforts of life.
Of course, comfort and ease is desirable and is certainly a worthy goal. One of the fundamental challenges in this approach, however, is that when the desire for comfort and ease is applied to how you relate to each other, then you’ll find yourself avoiding having uncomfortable, feeling-oriented conversations. Those certainly aren’t comfortable or easy to have – and yet are critical to maintaining a healthy relationship. How many relationships have you seen end unexpectedly, only to discover that the couple was unwilling to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with each other?
Type 3: “We are a commitment to creating a purpose-filled, value-centered life together.”
In this type of relationship, the main focus of the relationship is on creating, learning, growing, and serving together. Here, the couple is a commitment to being “awake” – mindful of each others inner and outer worlds. The focus is on living shared values and on creating a shared story together that brings energy and vitality to each of you. Your relationship together fosters the growth of each of you, and positively influences the lives of those around.
Which of these three types is most appealing to you? If you were married before, which did you find yourself living most of the time? And as you seek out a new life partner, which type of relationship do you want to create with them?
Live boldly!
-Denver
« One Skill That WILL Transform Your Marriage | Home | Reigniting Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage (Part 1 of 5) »
Leave a Comment